Every Little Gem

Sometimes I wish I ain’t so stupid. Why waste your time on someone who doesn’t care?

Oh the woes of feeling like you’re invisible

Sometimes I wish I could switch families, so that I wouldn’t need to suffer the things I’m going through now. Everyday I all I hear is that I should use the computer less because I’m the cause of the high electricity bills, that I should pay for everything on my own and that I should get a job and start earning money. And when I voice out my unhappiness I’m just called an ingrate.

No matter how much I try to change bit by bit to be more tolerant, more patient, it seems its never enough for the parents who did nothing but watch be struggling through life by myself just so I can be independent. And now they’re trying to kick me out of the house because I cannot handle sharing my room with my grandmother.

I wish that I can have parents who are proud of me, and not complain that I was in students council thats why my grades didn’t pull through. I wish they didn’t complain that I was overworked as an instructor or that I spent lots of time in church.

I’d rather be poorer than to have a family who only has eyes for money and themselves.

People are lucky if all they needed to care about is their own dreams and well-being.

And then they forget those that don’t have a choice. Those that don’t have a choice but to leave their home, strike it out alone.

I hate it that I have to always look like I’m okay, I hate it that no matter how hard I try it feels that I’m always on the outside looking in.

I don’t understand why I have to trudge through life, walking through it alone.

God, if you can hear me, why do you place me in such a warzone, when other kids my age have liberty to pursue whatever they want?

Love Light

This whole week flew by with me lazing around and not doing anything much. The headaches are making it hard to concentrate so I decided not to start driving this week. Instead I got cooped up most of the time watching Running Man and We Got Married to pass time.

I’m not much of a hallyu fan, but I think watching the Yongseo couple interact with each other makes me slightly curious. It reminds me of the phrase, “simple love”, meaning it isn’t hard to start loving people around you more. Honestly I really believe in that, to treasure those around you more and not take for granted, if need be to put in the effort to make someone feel loved. Thats pretty much and opposite for what is happening now, because everyone wants to receive, but not give the love because it takes an effort. An effort that could have been made easy.

In the days to come, I foresee alot of tension in my family. Dear Lord, whatever it is, help us tide this through. Help me not blow up, just in case I do something ridiculously stupid. The last thing I want to see is a broken family because of the lack of effort from the head of the house.